using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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