I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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