I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
