New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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