im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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