I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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