the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
