You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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