today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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