I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
