i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
