if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
