Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
