Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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