The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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