I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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