I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
