While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
