there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
