I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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