I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
