note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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