Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
