smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
