You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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