Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
