i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
