I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
sex in a hospital.. check
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
