By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
