CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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