I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
