The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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