just tell him i said nine months
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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