I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
