I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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