she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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