god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
