Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
