What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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