dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
