True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
