just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
