I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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