It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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