I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
