hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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