**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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