Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
