It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
