All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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