my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
