he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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