From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
