On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
