dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
