I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
