Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
