I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
