Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
