Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
