God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
