ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
