Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
