The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
