haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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