So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
