I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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