she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
