How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize