If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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