someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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