I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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