The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
